While sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office yesterday, I came across an interesting article in a rumpled copy of The New Yorker (October 2009.) It was enough to keep my mind off the muscle-y knot/pinched nerve in my right shoulder, so I thought I'd post it here:
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2009/10/19/091019crat_atlarge_zalewski
For the record, our bookshelf houses both How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight and Harriet, You'll Drive Me Wild! I don't view the books as any sort of antidote to "bad behavior," rather they are a good starting point to talk to my kids about the need to listen, and the fact that mothers are human, too. (That said, Harriet is a messy kid who seems to have trouble with spilling things. And, the dinosaur-kids have parents who could intervene in all the madness a little sooner.)
But is the new narrative really Bratty Kids And Their Doormat Parents or is it something else?
Kids need to be taught to modulate their own behavior in order to feel some sense of security as they grow up into the world. Modulating behavior means learning self-control and tolerance of situations that can feel bad (like a muscle-y knot/pinched nerve in one's shoulder that hurts but doesn't give you free license to act like a dinosaur at work because you'll lose your job.) Since when did boundaries and expectations become a bad thing?
The narrative in my house lately certainly is Bratty Kids and their Doormat parents. It makes me feel a little better to see that the Dinosaur parents have trouble with the room cleaning and that Pinkalicious's mother is helpless to keep her daughter from the junk food, though I'm sure that books like this do contribute to a culture of expected brattiness (it's not my fault after all --we're just too literate!).
ReplyDeleteThe most disturbing part of the article was reading all of the lame wimpy-parent speak(Is that the nicest way to ask for that?)and realizing that I've said at least three of those things today.
My sister recently mentioned a few noticeable differences between living in Evanston, Illinois and Duluth, Minnesota. In Evanston, parents happily drag their children to the Whole Foods market in their tutu+rainboots (creative child garb)because said child is busy enacting some sort of creative/dramatic play moment that neccessitates the wearing of tutu+rainboots to the store. Whereas if said child was from the more blue-collar Duluth, and fussing about wearing tutu+rainboots to the store, mom/dad would respond more along the lines of, "Take that off right now-- You don't wear a Halloween costume to the grocery store!" Is it socio-economic status? Education? Or is the Culture of Parenting, the books on parenting, the children's books seeking to parent all to blame?
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ReplyDeleteI've been so interested in portrayal of parents in children's books for so long, I'd like to do a doctorate in it if I had the time and a major university close by. I love what you had to say about it - loved reading that New Yorker article. Thank you.
I read a hilarious blog post by an LA mom who complained that her 3 year old wore his police costume to preschool. For a whole freaking year. Even when the crotch wore out. And the preschool staff told her to tolerate it! She was trying to get over it. I say, tell the kid the thing is kaput and make a rule that you have to wear clothes to school. If the preschool teacher wants to let him put the costume on in the dress-up corner, so be it. And she should support the mom in the idea that the kid should wear clothes to school, not guilt her into having no limits! Total example of taking the new developmental sensitivity a little too far...
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